Yesterday we went to the park and had a fun time until the very end. I was packing everything up to take to the car and then walking to the other end of the park to get Lucas when I noticed a woman walking him towards me. I was a little concerned because I hadn't seen Lucas do anything naughty and then he got within hearing distance of me and was saying something I have never heard from his mouth before, a swear word (thank you family member that I will not name!). This woman, I don't know if she had kids or not because me and a friend could only see our kids, glared at me like I was the most horrible mother in the world! I quickly stopped Lucas from saying what he was and apologized to her and had Lucas apologize also. She didn't say anything so I walked away. So I have a couple questions for this situation to ask you smart moms out there.
First, what discipline do you use when your children use not so nice language?
How do you deal with the situation so it doesn't happen again?
Have you approached the person they learned the language from and discussed it with them?
Besides apologizing to the woman, was there anything else I should have said?
-Megan-
3 comments:
With a young child like Lucas I wouldn't get too mad. He's little and little ones are BOUND to spout off a swear word every now and then - they will just hear it from other people or even TV. He's just stretching his vocabulary and doesn't know that it's a bad word. The first time he does it, just explain to him that we don't say that word (like you did). If he continues to use it, then you need to take further action. I have little experience with that because my daughter has only spouted off one word she shouldn't have and I just explained that we don't use it. I'm not sure what I'll do if she repeat offends. I'll be interested to see what others say.
Although we've had very few problems with swear words, there are things we don't say in our house. We try not to say, "hate, stupid, shut up, ect..." things like that. My siblings (none of which have children) on the other hand use these phrases freely. When they do I just ask them not to say that around my kids. That usually does the trick. People understand that you don't want your little ones spouting off nasty phrases. Most people are receptive if you ask them to stop.
As for the woman who was mad. That's her own dang fault!! If she knows ANYTHING about kids, she knows that kids say the darnedest things and at the worst times and that it in no way reflects on the parents (unless it is a consistent thing). I don't think you should have felt bad at all and apologizing was the best you could do.
My human development teacher taught us to say, "(Insert name), some words make me feel good, and some words make me feel bad. That is a word that makes me feel bad. We do not tolerate that kind of language in our family." Usually that's enough to stop them. They didn't get a dramatic response, which makes them feel powerful even if it was a negative response. They also didn't understand that it was a swear word, or that it affected other people. Saying let's the child also know that while some people use those words, people in the child's family do not. It establishes it as a family value that we speak a certain way and use certain words.
I would definitely say something constructive to the people who use the language around your child. Let them know how important it is that they watch their language because the children are mimicking them.
I think it was good to apologize to the woman, but if she wants to remain mad, then it's her own problem!
I'd be more concerned with the strange lady who didn't seem to have any of her own kids being at the playground...
The previous people had good comments. I wanted to add something- We end up accidentily watching t.v. shows that have bad language every once in a while or my daughter will sneak out of bed and sit in the hallway while my husband and I are watching shows that are not age appropriate... Whenever I catch this, I immediately turn to her and say "that man is saying something that isn't nice to say. We don't say those kinds of words." I haven't heard her repeating those things yet...
As for confronting a person that says those words, I think its better done at the moment. If they say a swear word right in front of your kids, make a point of saying 'Please don't use dirty language in front of my children' and then turn to your kids and say '____ said something that is not okay to say in our family'. Doing it that way shows both your kids and the person you are with that it really isn't okay. They'll think twice about their loose language in the future.
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