Thursday, April 21, 2011

Couple Time: A Question on Tempers

Okay, so for the last couple weeks, I've tried to be super cutesy and point out the stuff that's really wonderful about marriage and things we can do to make our romantic bliss even more blissful.  Because from the bottom of my heart, I'm thoroughly convinced there's a lot to be grateful for.

But I'm also human.  A very PREGNANT variety of human.  And very pregnant women are (generally) not cutesy, sweet, and romantic all the time.  In fact, especially if we've got a lot going on above and beyond pregnancy, there's a good number of days that we're downright ornery.  Hugely round and ornery.  I feel like if I lose my footing at the top of a hill, I'll seriously ROLL without difficulty the ENTIRE way down.  And that's never good for my self-esteem. At my OBGYN appointment last week, my doctor patted me on the back and said that all this was normal, but I don't remember myself being so miserable at the end of my first pregnancy. It's funny what the brain chooses to remember, right?

Anyway, moving on.  There IS a point to this post.

As a big, round, ornery, miserably pregnant woman, I often find myself snapping at my poor husband.  His sweet attempts to be romantic seem ridiculous.  His normal obliviousness to little household chores leaves me steaming.  His usual jokes annoy the tar out of me.  In hindsight, I know this isn't healthy behavior for me to indulge in...but I feel like whacked-out hormones are getting the better of me...along with my aching back.

Through trial and error, I've stumbled across a few methods that help ease (what seems like) my chronically awful third-trimester temper:

-Reading my patriarchal blessing.
-Sitting down by myself and reading a few pages of my favorite novels...the relaxing ones that I only ever read for fun.
-Taking a long shower (not sure why this works)
-Praying to help me see why my husband is wonderful.
-Talking to my husband, telling him why I feel frustrated.
-Forcing myself to forget about it and going to bed.

But everyone's different, and I'm needing more ideas!  Help me, ladies!  What things do you do to help keep your temper in check and not nag about the silly little things?  Because pregnant or not, there are just those times that we all need to step back and take a breather!



Rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca said...

Okay I just deleted my comment because the majority of it was about what I did to keep my emotions in check while pregnant but then realized that it wasn't the main point of the post. Oops :) So in answer to your question...

The one thing that always helps me when I get upset about something is take a moment to say a prayer and calm down. Feelings of anger come from Satan and saying a prayer fights those feelings away and brings the Spirit back in the home.

Alyssa Harper said...

Aw! I would have loved reading your first comment! But I agree with you. Keeping the Spirit close by does wonders to curb angry feelings.

Lisa said...

When I am having a hard day (pregnant or not) I find it helps to look for the things I am grateful for. I try to find at least ten things that I write down at the end of the day. This helps me to focus on the good things that are happening and not the bad feelings that I have.

If I am struggling to get along with a specific person (husband, child, coworker) I do the same thing, but I look for ten things I am grateful for about them on that day.

Sometimes ten things is really easy, but other days it takes awhile. The days that it is hard are generally the days that need it the most.

Naps are my other way of dealing with bad moods. If my emotions are hard to get under control, I generally just need a nap.

The Fishes said...

The ORAL method of communication usually helps us, laugh, if nothing else :)

O(bservation) What you are observing that is making you upset or frustrated
R(eaction) How you react to whatever is irritating you(Use "I feel" statements here, don't point the finger)
A(ssumption) Why you think they are doing whatever it is that is irritating you
L(learning) what you learn from teh process of slowing down and thinking about why you are irritated.

We will actually start with saying
"I observe that you are..."
"My reaction to this is..."
"I assume you do this because..."
"I am learning that you do this..."
Then we both know to simmer things down a bit. By the time I get to the learning portion I have usually let my mind catch up with my mouth and can realize that my husband is not here just to do things that annoy or otherwise bother me :) Patience is a virtue ;)

Alyssa Harper said...

I really love that ORAL method. What a good concept to remember when you start to feel frustrated. I think really understanding why it is that you're upset in the first place is a key thing that's often overlooked. Thanks for sharing this!