Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Hard Questions

Okay, like the other ladies on the panel I am LDS and we strongly believe in not smoking and drinking.  My in-laws are not LDS and they both smoke and drink (don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws and they are wonderful people!). However, lately it's been very hard to explain to Lucas, in terms he understands, how we don't smoke and drink but we still love grandma and grandpa no matter what.

So, I'm wondering how do you answer those hard questions about people that do things you don't believe in (whether it's smoking, drinking, swearing, etc.) for your little ones?



Rebecca said...

My husband and I both have quite a few family members that don't have the same values as we do. Now that my little girl is getting older I'm starting to wonder about the same thing.

My sister has done a really good job in teaching her kids about it. She pretty much is just completely open with it. That the reason why they choose to do the things they do is because they don't have a testimony of the Church and choose not to hold the same values we do, but that we still love them the same because Jesus loves everyone.

I personally won't tolerate profanity or smoking near enough by my child that we can smell smoke so if that happens I speak up, but for other things I just plan on just talking to my kids about it like my sister did

Britta said...

My grandma was not a member as I grew up and smoked a lot. I remember helping her pack to move and finding a bottle of alcohol in her cupboard and wanting to throw it out but my dad wouldn't let me. (He said it wasn't the right way to go about 'changing' her... I agree now!)

I remember hearing that 'we don't smoke' when I was little and I teach my kids now that smoking is yucky and not healthy for our bodies. We haven't yet encountered people close to us who don't hold the same values but I'm sure it'll happen eventually. I plan on telling my girls that HF loves everyone and they are just trying to learn how to be healthy and we need to not bother them while they deal with it.

I don't know, maybe my tactics will change as my kids grow up and we encounter different people...

The Fishes said...

Same as Britta - I told my kids it's bad for our bodies and Heavenly Father wants us to be healthy. I also mention that other people can make their own choices. I had a good neighbor, one of my best friends, who smoked. She was good not to do it right by the kids, but they saw it and my son began mimicking it (at about 4ish). Since talking about it I haven't seen it resurface and he hasn't called her out on it either, he just knows that it is bad for our bodies, a fact any smoker has to agree with if he ever does say anything.

On The Go Family said...

My husband and I were both raised in wonderful LDS families. Between the two of us, we have SIX brothers, and only one is actively living the gospel. So sad!

We often have to discuss this with our 6-year-old, who is extremely perceptive. We talk a lot about CHOICES, and the natural consequences that follow. I always try to emphasize that we CHOOSE to live the gospel because it makes us happy, helps us feel the Spirit and will help us live with Heavenly Father eternally.

For a long time I emphasized that lots of people who are not living the gospel haven't ever had a chance to learn about it. But now she's asking about her uncles who grew up LDS and choose not to live it. So again I'm emphasizing that we all get to choose whether or not to be faithful, and that we must always be good examples of how living the gospel makes us happy.

As we read the scriptures, we've talked a lot about Alma the Younger and others in the BOM who were very wicked for a time, but eventually received a testimony and totally changed their ways. I try to remind her not to judge her uncles but to love them, help them and remember that just like Alma the Younger, some day they might have a mighty change of heart as well.

Megan said...

Thank you for sharing! It has helped me to come up with some ideas.