Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Feeling a little overweight....

Lately I've been feeling depressed about my weight. It's not that I think that I am HUGE or anything, it's just that I weigh 20 lbs more than I did a year ago.

My baby girl was born just 4 months ago, so OF COURSE I don't expect to be back down to my normal size and weight yet. This is my third baby and it seems like it gets harder to lose weight the more children you have. With my first all the weight came off by the time my baby was 6 weeks old, with NO effort on my part. With my second I carried around 10 lbs for a year and a half before I finally did some dieting and got it off.

This time around I accepted the fact that I would most likely have extra weight for a while. I had 15 lbs to lose when my baby was 2 months old. I didn't worry too much though because I had started working out and I knew that worse-case scenario I could diet after I weaned my baby at a year.

Then A LOT happened all at once. I first lost my milk supply (due most likely to working out TOO hard) thus ending my short lived work-out spree. I have decided not to work out until my baby is weaned because I don't want to go through losing my milk supply again. Although I was able to build it back up... things still aren't the same - I still battle with a dysfunctional let-down.

A few days after I lost my milk supply I got very ill. Extremely ill. I developed some type of low blood sugar issue which makes me feel like I have to eat every couple of hours. If I don't, I feel so weak and sick. I now find myself eating A LOT - and as a result I've gained 5 more pounds. I am feeling a bit better, but still have to eat a lot.

My health condition and the fact that I'm nursing make it impossible to work out or diet right now. I'm hopeful that with time my hunger spree will end and when my baby is weaned I can get back to normal, but that's a long time in the future.

So, my question is not how do I lose weight (I know how to do that) my question is, how do I deal with the fact that I simply cannot have the body I want right now? I find myself feeling very depressed about it. I know 20 lbs isn't a lot, but it is hard because my clothes don't fit and I don't like the way I look right now. I don't have money for a new wardrobe either, so that makes it even more depressing to get dressed every day.

We've all had babies and suffered from having more weight that we want at some point. So give me your pointers. I just need some way to feel okay about this while it's out of my control.



Alyssa Harper said...

My goodness. What a load to carry. As always, my heart goes out to you, Tannie. I think the best thing to do is try and forget about the weight, (I know. Easier said than done, right?) because right now, you're choosing to keep it on (for very good reasons). With your metabolism and love of working out, it'll come off easily when the time is right (aka, you're not nursing). So really, you're still very much in control of your body.

Right now, I'd focus on giving yourself treats. Non-edible ones. You deserve to be pampered!! They don't have to be expensive. Friends coming over to visit and doing manicures. Having a hairdresser-friend come over and do your hair for you. Inviting someone over (or going over yourself, if you feel up to it) and making food together. That's always really fun for me.

I know it's tough when money's tight, (heavens, I KNOW all about that) but having clothes that fit you right can make a WORLD of difference when weight is my issue. A whole wardrobe is obviously out of the question, but perhaps you could justify purchasing ONE OUTFIT. Just you have something to dress up in and feel pretty. We all think you're beautiful. I mean, just LOOK at you, girl! A few new clothes might help you feel it too.

Rebecca said...

First off I want to tell you that you are such an amazing woman to be sacrificing so much to keep your milk supply going. Your children are so blessed to have you as a Momma.

What really helps me feel pretty when I'm not feeling so pretty is getting done up. I've never been one to wear much make-up or do fun things with my hair, but sometimes it's just what I need to do to feel better about myself. I know you're still not feeling well but maybe on one of your good days go all out with your hair and make-up. It'll be fun! :)

And just try to not think negative thoughts about yourself. That's Satan right there trying to bring you down. You are an amazing (and beautiful!) person and just keep focusing on all of your positive attributes. If a negative thought comes in, push it out immediatly and replace it with a positive one.

Britta said...

As someone whose been overweight for my whole life, I have to say- I don't know its entirely possible to be perfectly at ease with your body when you know its not perfect.

The days that I have the best self esteem are the days I do something to create it. When I get into slumps where I don't find time to shower/brush teeth, etc, my self esteem goes to pot. Make time every day, even if you aren't feeling well, to take a shower and brush your teeth and put your hair up. If after that you don't have energy/time to do anything else, you can still feel like you've tried.

Also, stay close to the spirit. Often times I find that when the tv is on too much and I'm seeing all the gorgeous, unrealistic women on tv, my self esteem is really low. Read scriptures instead and also enlist your husband to help you feel better.

Laura said...

I really like the comments that have been shared, and I agree. I remember someone (bishop? general authority? young women's leader?) giving this advice: spend the time in the morning to get yourself looking nice and presentable, then get away from the mirror and forget about it. I was in a similar situation last year when my husband was living in a different city and I couldn't handle trying to eat healthy while working full time and taking care of two kids myself. I put on a LOT of weight during that time, and I eventually had to learn to just ignore it. I did the best I could when getting ready in the morning, then just moved on with the day.

I agree that just a few clothes that fit your size now can really help--like a good pair of jeans. It's easier to feel comfortable in your own skin if you're not getting pinched and pulled by your pants.

And I especially echo what Britta said. Stay close to the Spirit and you will be able to measure your worth as Heavenly Father sees you, not as we tend to see ourselves.

Tannie Datwyler said...

Thank you very much ladies for all your thoughts and encouragement. I appreciate it so much.

I decided to take your advice and go shopping. I took my some money I had hoarded over from my birthday and went to Ross. I got 2 pairs of capris, a pair of jeans, and 2 shirts. :) It was good to get some things that fit better AND it wasn't as bad as I thought. I only had to go up one pant size - though I thought it would have to be two, so that was good.

I'm still frustrated with the way I look, but hopefully I can push it off until I have the chance to get back in shape. In the meantime staying close to the spirit is what I'll need to do.