Saturday, May 16, 2009
Of course I think I have the best kids in the world! What mom in her right mind wouldn't think that? I'm sure you all do. With that being said, I know the faults of my children better than anyone. I teach them each day, try the best I can to remedy any problems we have, and strive to help them feel good about themselves. That's why whenever someone says something remotely negative about one of my kids (no matter how small and how unintentional) it kind of gets my guard up. I am ENTIRELY aware that this is due almost completely to my own thought processes.
Take this for example. Complaint number 1 - comments about my son's weight. I have a rather chubby baby boy... he's 7 months old and is over 18 lbs. He is also VERY short which makes him look even bigger. Everywhere I go I get comments.... (with eyes large as if they can't believe what they're seeing) "Wow, he's really big." Or "what are you feeding him?" Most the time this is said with a smile and I get these comments as often as "I love his chubby cheeks" and "he is so cute." So, there is absolutely NO REASON for me to be bothered. Yet sometimes.... I am. I think part of it is that I just get tired of hearing the same comments over and over again (it gets wearing). I think another big part of it is that I filter the comments through my own worries, frustrations, and ideas. While a sweet mom is saying, "oh he is a big boy" and she means me to hear "he is really cute and healthy" I am actually thinking this: "maybe he is too big, maybe I feed him too much, maybe I should cut out a feeding, what am I doing wrong? etc...."
Number 2 - I also like to read into things. :) Someone says to me or my 2 1/2 year old little girl, "are you potty trained?" with a big bright smile on their face... and when one of us says no, their face falls and they say, "oh well..." and of course I'm thinking that she should be trained by now and it is my fault and I feel I have to justify to someone why she isn't potty trained yet. And then I hear all the amazing stories of 18 month olds and 2 year olds who are potty trained and how someone had a child who trained in a week.... and I'm thinking again, "what am I doing wrong?"
But, let me be straight, these are all fleeting feelings!! I feel like I am good mom, I love my children, and I feel confident in my abilities. :) I'm not saying that I let others affect me, but I am bringing up a very real part of being a mom that we all probably experience. I have no doubt in my mind that (for the most part) when someone says something that annoys me, that was not his/her intention. It is my choice!! I need to choose to not be offended (and I think for the most part I am pretty good at this). In a moment I might be annoyed, but I let it go rather quickly. So here are my two questions.
What have other people said about your children that gets to you (even if it is momentarily) - sometimes it is good to share. I'd like to feel like I'm not the only imperfect one here..... :)
What do you do to make sure that the comments of others don't make you doubt your abilities as a mother?
Let us know! I'm excited to see what you have to share with me.
Labels: Just for Mom